Shy - Chapter 8 - BitterAzure (2024)

Chapter Text

Sensei, I'm seeing your plan.

Your subconscious.

We're extremely similar.

You've been a beautiful guiding star. For so many people. Just like you wanted to be. Your message got through the best because you're a master of non verbal body expression. And your art style has been growing more gorgeous right along Kanda. The way it was meant to be. More and more feminine as time goes by. It was never a simple glow up. People have sold you short, as always. I know the feeling.

I also know a "gay" "man" who stopped reading your work because of that, unfortunately. DewdropLotus, my favorite fanfiction author... He always felt very similar to a gay friend I've had and who I've been something like a partner to. But only in conversation, because he would never dare, because he didn't get it. I even wondered if it was him. I met (and "met") him and "Kanda" around the same time.

I've even learned Japanese years ago... Very simplified. It felt like I had to. I've been told I speak like "an anime character" by Japanese natives, while trying to be polite. I'm sure it's something you can empathize with. I imagined us talking so many times. (Because my subconscience is a method actor. And I've been refusing to notice him. And he has always talked to me through a character impersonation. We've all been leading each other, the "autistic" people.)

With Allen's name... you probably even already thought it needed to be English speakers that would receive the message. To reach more people. And "Farin" from Dungeon Meshi followed suit.

I'm seeing your "intention", Sensei.

So I'm going to spoil it.

I'm going to spoil your masterpiece just a little bit.

Just enough.

To prove this.

To prove that it's really possible to see another mind.

Probably no one would still believe.

After all, Psycho-Pass wasn't treated as if it proved anything. As a show.

Maybe... only INTP could do it? Seeing minds?

Simply... naturally. With no magic involved. And no fictional devices.

And maybe they could do it only to each other, after all. And not others.

Only to those like...

Like Einstein.

Like Newton.

Like Freud.

Like Neo from the Matrix.

The siblings that wrote it were probably just the best siblings anyone could imagine: an INTP and a INFJ.

A fully logical one.

And a fully emotional one.

Adam and eve. (Symbols. Only ever meant to SIMPIFY something difficult.)

But siblings.

(Ah. Yoko Taro, welcome to the herd of my pokemon, too. Nier: Automata was fantastic. I loved the sexines of it all and my boyfriend did too. Were 9S and 2B also one person? Ah, and their girlfriend, A2. Ah, and the "weirdly close" siblings in the other Nier....)

((Oh!!! Komui and Lenalee are also meant to be LIKE THAT. They are one person. A girl who wants to be a mature woman. But feels the need to be 'babied' like by an older brother. I know that feeling so well.))

(((And so does Yoko Taro.)))

((((But you.... "Hideo Kojima"... You've gotten TOO FULL of yourself. I gag at seeing your name ever since that abomination of a marketing path Death Stranding took.))))

Just like Kanda and Alma should have always been.

And all those OTHER personalities... The 13 of Meyer-Briggs that were not INTP, INFJ or INFP...

The "other people"... maybe they were simply... too many "letters" that were different. For an INTP, empirical to a fault.

Maybe the genius song writer LP would also get it, the "other people", if she read this. This "proof".

INTP understood the world logically and empirically.

And through their own lens: themselves.

No other way.

INTP needed an INFJ to show them emotions.

Only then they could truly understand them.

How they were meant to even feel like.

Because INTP was a "psychopath".

The same way Hitler was.

He understood very many "things" but not emotions. And NOT people.

Because for an INTP, understanding people was a very long journey.

And even meeting an INFJ, a "perfect existence" was not always enough for them to TRULY get it.

There needed to be an effort, a true dedication to problem-solving (which INTP were ALWAYS capable of once motivated), and a lot of patience.

And it was really possible to reach a full understanding. And it always has been.

(And no "autistic" person should EVER give up on "cracking the code". No matter how unreasonable it seemed. Because IT WAS AND ALWAYS HAS BEEN POSSIBLE.)

And if anything could help... Besides a "Jesus", an INFJ...

It was the "link".

The link between the INTP and INFJ way of understanding the world: an INFP.

Someone collected but not always logical. Someone calm but emotional. Capable of true logic, but not such a cold one. And not as obsessive.

Very likely, the same way the man called "Eva Braun" was. Because Hitler never understood what was wrong with him, after all. He knew but he turned to correcting others instead of himself. And then he escaped into death like a coward, when it was too late for him.

He has surely never "met Jesus." A beautifully emotional INFJ.

Himself and his female, unhinged, genius, sub conscience that he listened too much to, despite absolutely loathing it. Also too much.

Like the "gay" guys who hate vagin*s so, so much.

And maybe Link would help Kanda, eventually...

(To truly understand the world.)

And Ciel was a method actor.

And Kanda in this story has "already had" his diagnosis.

And all they ever were was "pokemon" that someone collected.

To play with.

To understand the world through.

And, one special day, she convinced herself she was Sigmund Freud.

Just for a split second. Just a fraction.

And Sigmund thought "I FINALLY cracked it. The human mind. I feel so at peace."

And, just for a moment, she felt like a "god". She had just given someone "a proper send off".

Like a f*ckING MEDIUM!

OHHHHHHH you f*cking PSYCHICS. I see ALL of you right now.

I've just collected you, too.

And for maybe five minutes, she felt all-powerful.

She looked up Freud's picture. And she looked into his eyes and she saw only pride. He looked somehow just like her grandpa. A gentle grandpa that took her on trips to the forest, to find and gather clay before playing with it.

And it was an experience just like with paintings in Harry Potter.

Because Rowling probably thought she gave a "proper send off" to Hitler. To Dumbledore. She is, after all, a blond bitch with blue eyes. And she also knows her own worth.

And she is disgusting.

She doesn't understand sh*t. And she doesn't deserve mercy. Just like Hitler didn't.

The minimum she owes to trans people is a public apology.

"I could run this world all on my own," the person who sent of her new friend Ziggy Freud thought.

Ah.

Beyonce.

Welcome to the heard.

And then she came back down to earth.

And she retreated back into her cave. To do what 'creators' were always really meant to do: create.

Create worlds and destroy them.

Inside their own minds.

Playing with other humans like with dolls.

And Psychopaths never belonged in prison.

No one belonged in prison.

Prisons were wrong in the first place.

The entire system was wrong.

Of education most of all. But all the other systems as well.

Just show the Psychopaths a Jesus. And bring a Link.

Why would you wanna put Beyonce in prison???? She had to run the world. She was an INTERNATIONAL TREASURE.

And whenever a psychopath, an INTP, first came in contact with "religion" for the first time in their life, they would just think "I could do this entire world creation thing even better. You completely f*cked it up, man." And that was them just directly "insulting God". Inside their minds.

Even if they would eventually lose the battle with themselves and become "religious".

And "meeting god" was certainly possible. But it was not what people thought.

It was a feeling of staring head on. At your own genius.

It was frightening, it was overpowering, and it could lead to unspeakable consequences. To catastrophes.

Of epic proportions.

All INTP really lacked by default was true humility.

And they would feel it. If they understood that it was someone like them who ruined the world in the first place.

And only then they could even LOVE it. The world.

The world has always been full of "gods". And, especially now, in these dark times, we're interfering as best as we can.

Subtly. Because we're shy.

And "God" was probably a "woman" in the first place.

She just liked writing about men a lot, since her extremely unhinged subconscience was one.

And she just loved them.

And everyone got the wrong idea.

And they didn't understand it's always been women who had the correct "intention": this world is wrong, I WILL NOT CHANGE, IT has to. I will take care of all of you.

It was an unhinged intention.

But all "men" thought was: I want to feel important and appreciated.

And that was just fine.

But, especially for INTP men, their vile female subconscience was telling them alllll the ways they could abuse their power, as women were always meant to do. By being sexy, of course. And dominant. And overpowering.

And all those "worthy" INTP men did was reviling women as hard as they could.

And they kept pushing them into the corner. YOU stay put. I know EXACTLY what you're capable of.

Because they did. They knew.

They were just too shy about "femininity". About being emotional. And being nurturing, and pleasure-giving, and charming.

Because, to them, the INTP men, the distinction was just that simple. Since they were "non-binary". Just like any other person in the world (probably, with INTP being more self-aware). And they were men, so their emotional subconscience was a woman.

But they were empirical and logical men, so all of them noticed (the INTP). That there was something "WRONG" with them. And they hid it as well as they could. Which was to say: completely.

Because "something" was not like it was supposed to. Because haven't they been told that "men" were better? ("More 'good'"?) And exactly HOW they were meant to be? And they were THAT. So they were "perfect". (That was the "logical" conclusion.)

And it aligned perfectly with how INTP men felt: worthy.

And they REVILED women, while relaying on the genius of their "unhinged" female subconscience.

All the sub-conscience were unhinged. To anything except the world, to each other. Like in Psycho-Pass. But without taking anyone's brain out.

Some people, INTP, were just TOO AWARE of them existing. Their other selves. The unhinged little sh*ts.

Too aware, but usually still not AWARE ENOUGH.

Simply:

All we ever needed to do as humanity was talk more about sex.

And about how incredibly sexy and IRRESISTIBLE it was. And how PRIMITIVE.

And how we all simply couldn't stop thinking about it.

Even if our bodies specifically didn't desire sex.

Because it was our gigantic human subconscience, just doing its thing.

ROMANCE.

And the Bible was just an unhinged love letter of a woman: to all men, and especially Jesus.

Her work, after all, made everyone love him. And that was the point.

And relaying on people seeing a point could simply go so wrong so often.

Just like romance.

All of us "geniuses" ever were was SHY.

About romance, about sex, about our ideas.

And how pathetic was that?

Donald Trump, you are an extremely pathetic woman.

So self-conscious.

You like to fake tan, huh?

Well, the world is making memes about it.

You're just like my dad.

Always charismatic. And never knowing what he's talking about.

All the "gods" were "queer". They were "non-binary".

And binary.

Like a computer.

The way all humans were capable of being. But INTP just especially.

Because they hated themselves SO MUCH. Until the day they could UNDERSTAND.

Readers, please, show this to as many logical assholes as you know.

We need to intervene.

And Ciel Phantomhive, as a method actor, was also Ai Hoshino from Oshi no Ko. ('Oshi', the favorite, the one you're rooting for, with just the h missing to be a 'star', with 'ecchi' missing, the 'hentai', the bit that was always considered 'too much', and especially in Japan. And especially from a woman. D.gray-man has inspired so many different works.)((Ai always knew her type is a secret, she knew she was 'Maria', she knew everyone will be looking but no one would really want to know.))

And that person was also the author of the gossip rag in Bridgerton.

So she knew that, eventually, everyone will be looking. And they will be talking.

But Marceille from Dungeon Meshi, and Laios, and Wei Ying from Mo Dao Zu Shi were never afraid of darkness.

But they didn't want to be hated for it.

"Psychopaths", aware of themselves or not, would always think that "God" was a "total psychopath". The way society was describing that term: so "bloodthirsty".

Were he a person, and not a celestial being, of course. (HA!)

But INTP were just "base". Awfully. And beautifully. And very usefully.

And all they ever wanted was to be noticed and contribute.

To this entire gigantic science project: humanity.

First of all, we seriously need to get rid of "countries". We're a world.

And everyone should watch the "second thought" channel of YouTube.

A very apt name.

It's the second thought. The subconscious one. Your human subconscience in pain. Or simply the second one, after debating it a little bit.

A "man" was someone who decided he was a giver. Therefore, he was a giver in reason and taker in impulse. A "woman" was someone who decided that they were a taker, and therefore was a taker in reason. And giver in impulse.

Because sex was meant to be SEXY.

In other words: overlapping, something to experience together. As a man and a woman.

And never just one, even within the limits of the same body of a given or chosen sex.

All the fixation on being straight in the bible ever was was Jesus's sexual preference. Because that specific Jesus was straight.

And his "god", his absolutely unhinged wife Mary, just treated his every word like law.

Because she was devoted.

But she should have never went that far. INFJ were, after all, extremely fickle except being extremely beautiful.

Because they needed to NOT FORGIVE. So that they could forgive later, when the proper work was done, when the world was finally fully healed.

Like any good anarchist.

And whether Jesus's and Mary's bond in real life came to fruition or not, and if it REALLY ended badly or not, and whether they were ever related or not...

Their bond was still just as strong as between John Lenon and Yoko Ono. Like Bonnie and Clyde.

Like Sasuke and Naruto. Like Casitel and Dean. Like Mao-mao and her idiot. Like Frieren and her idiot. Like Fern and her idiot. Like Merlin and Arthur. Like Zoro and Luffy. Like Marceille and Farin. Like Lan Zhan and Wei Ying. Like Meliodas and Elizabeth. Like Edward and Alphonse. Like Gaiman and Pratchett. Like Kanda and Alma. And Kanda and Allen.

Like me and my best friend. Like me and my partner.

God was only ever another Jekyll and Hyde. Both the best and the worst.

And extremely inflexible. And subconsciously flexible. In order to be a scientist.

He was a Frankenstein. A peculiar and special woman, like the one in "Poor Things", masterfully played by the genius Emma Stone. As genius as Elliott Page.

And there was probably no "normal" people in the Bible. No INTP would even know how that looked like. The "other people". And what would they even think.

You all need to wake up from this bad and sad nightmare that religion, money, gender, sex, and politics have been.

We need to create smaller communities. Tightly-knit ones. And then connect them to each other.

Like an "autistic" brain. Like a metro line. Very elegant, very functional, very childish. Very natural.

Hoshino always meant "of the stars". From the stars.

So this is simply "the Will of the Universe".

Because "genius" was 天才. And the first character stood for the sky.

Japan knew well what a disaster skies could bring.

And it was all just as unsettling as Kafka's works. And Poe's.

And if I could cue a song right now, it would be "Who the Hell is Edgar?".

Indeed, Freud is nice and all, but he won't pay my rent.

Either way, you can "taste" Freud right here, TEYA & SALENA. I'm still looking for Shakespeare, too. But I've nailed down his Oedipus complex. (HA!)

We're still learning from history. Someone needs to get Philomena Cunk and Neil deGrasse Tyson on this. And the Veritasium guy. And VSauce.

And MOST IMPORTANTLY Kyle Hill and Joe Scott. First for flexibility of thinking and the second for being able to talk in hypotheticals so openly. And they're the funniest.

Kyle is also gorgeous, obviously.

And my religious homeroom teacher from high school. A chaotic literature expert. Just for good measure.

Meanwhile Freud will go back to his human zoo. A fully fictional one this time. With Ava Max's, Ariana Grande's, Lady Gaga's, Beyonce's and Dua Lipa's, and LP's songs in the background.

And Hozier's.

And Reol's. Forever a favorite for that sexy f*cking voice and "method acting while singing". One of the coolest things I've ever witnessed.

And Freud simply nodded, smoking his pipe but now with a twinkle in his eye.

We really are all connected.

Charlie, penguinz0, also should read this. I love you and all, Charlie, but you're dissing people like us more and more and that is not the way. Don't get too self-conscious about it. You're also gorgeous, by the way. Just my type, like Kyle. And like my partner. He looks like a latin Jesus, just a bit.

I'd love Asmongold to see it, too. But he's too stubborn about everything, so he won't ever. And try Guild Wars 2, you motherf*cker. You need to learn about how much better community is than competition, in general. And wake up, before the only people on your channel are other crying INTP men like you. The redditors, the nazis, the "red pill" guys. None of them understand what their subconscience is trying to say. That thing is not "women are awful". It's "I also am and always have been a woman, in the sense only that I know EXACTLY what it feels like."

And it'd be great if Hasan read it as well. More people than ever are finally listening to the things he's been saying all along. Oh, and I always notice and love your nails, man. I used to have a friend who was uncaring about it just like that. But then he gave in and stopped being stylish altogether, even though he's still openly gay.

There are more and more "autistic" people because there are less and less "psychopaths". And less "demon possessions" and "psychics" and "people from the past reborn". But that terminology simply needed to disappear completely. It was not factual.

And we LOVE lists. Like the "10 commandments", like "7 deadly sins".

Like "all the coolest people I know". The "apostles". Like Kanda in D.Gray-man (FINE, I named the work) when he read the list of everyone's names, with a silly ribbon in his hair. And "the gray man" - the man who was not "gay" but could be, the man who was never fully happy and never fully sad. That was the meaning of the tile. And of my tumblr title, where Kanda is smiling on the banner.

And all of this should serve as ample proof. For how unhinged and self-assured a person can be.

I'm stripping myself naked in public to show this. Just like you, Sensei. Just like Allen. And so many of us so far.

Me and my boyfriend love walking naked around the house. Both figuratively and literally.

I wish you could all see that I look a little like Eve. Like "Venus", my boyfriend always tells me. Like "Aphrodite". I'm very feminine but, I think, not enough by people's standards. Since I'm very intimidating. And outspoken, for the most part. Definitely never giving up on proving my point.

I wish you all could know how many times me and my boyfriend laughed about both of us having curly hair and looking just a tiny bit like we could be related, even though we're from different parts of the world. We met in an MMO, and went on many adventures together.

And she had always thought "I hear sh*t like this all the time" when she entered a church and hid in a confessional while everyone else listened, despite being a child and having no sins. The atmosphere there has always felt so unsettling. Like for the "possessed" women in horrors but without all the drama. But what the girl was hearing was much better, more modern, then the "words of God". Nothing sounding "religious" and "proper" at all.

And she had always loved horror movies. Before she connected with her inner child more and started watching anime. Thanks to Naruto.

The next chapter of this work will again be "normal".

I hope. Because my internal little sh*t refuses to shut up. He wants to create an entire new "bible". Pronounced the way Philomena Cunk does it. So fittingly silly. Like a joke.

I've been wondering if the "hanging on the cross" position was meant to be exercise advice. Because us INTP seem to have exceptionally weak torsos. Something is wrong with the arm tendons. So we need to stretch. With arms like hanging on the cross, and with arms straight and pointing downward, like the position of surrender. Like a sacrifice on an altar. Like Taylor Momsen knows exactly how.

My boyfriend has never entered a church in his entire life. He always felt reviled by the symbol Cross was. (And, yeah, that would apply to Cross Marian as well. Perfectly.)

But, of course, "Mary" (no real names for this one because oof, this one is a BAD bitch)... I'm sure it was just more sexy if it was Jesus and not you... You could wipe his forehead and all. Steamy. The hanging thing, and the carrying heavy thing has also always seemed weirdly sexy. (Not the blood, the abs and the "anal sex" suffering expression on his face...)

And INTP need ferrum supplements as well. Like in Dungeon Meshi. Something is wrong with our blood.

And JK Rowling (as well as her self-insert Draco) pitched in right away, right along with Hitler: it must be the "blue" one.

Yeah, yeah. Shut up, bitches.

I could seriously use a private doctor, though. I can't sort sh*t out myself and my Jesus is also lazy and my back hurts as f*ck. I know I will need to have a hip surgery because the bones are too big. They've given me a scoliosis. Only waited my entire f*cking life to find out about this because "doctors" know sh*t.

And she simply felt like Cleopatra, about all of those commands. Cleopatra knew she deserved it. She's collected the self-assurance from her in Egypt, ages ago.

The profession of a "doctor" has become much too commercially focused. They don't study out of care, only for financial profit.

So, maybe also x-ray your hips, fellow INTPs, just in case. Say it was a divine intervention, I'm sure that will be easier to believe than "accurate advice from the Internet".

"I had a god complex, and an Oedipus complex. And 'autism'. And I listened way too much to Jesus's opinions. I always KNEW he was fickle about everything besides 'morals'. And overall hard to convince at times. But he was just such an otherworldly being, how could I have not listened...," Mary said, as self-aware as ever. "But I'm fine now. I see exactly where I went wrong. People are too stupid to understand that ADAM was a symbol for a man. And EVE was a symbol for his female subconscience that woke up later. And the APPLE EATING only ever represented talking right to it. The subconscience. That was how you got out of EDEN - THE BLISS OF IGNORANCE. But you're right. I know how DUMB people are. I should have seen it coming." She sighed. "I always need to tell everyone what to do."

Because the author of this work has raised her own parents.

But then Mary looked very humbled. "But I get it now. I truly do. I should have always talked more plainly, no matter how much of myself I would have to show. I really just wanted to help."

And it didn't matter which "bible" was first. Because they were all the same. A love letter. A testament of (a) genius. An epic brag about their partner, a flex, showing off their best friend, their 'second half', their support, their lover, their muse: a savior, an angel.

And all this work is meant to be is a cerebral dynamite.

And my personal Jesus (Hi, Manson. I know that is not your song, but we're just like that. We steal from each other. Like Eleanor. And also alllll her friends in the "Good Place") never took it up the ass (yet) because his butt is naturally "shy". But I've been very gentle and patient and he's very understanding and, after seven years of convincing (from time to time, just a lil bit), I have an official permission to be putting a finger in. I'm daring to say he likes it. Tbh he likes everything in all the ways always. And it's the same with food. Except... He eats everything just fine and enjoys everything very loudly, but then he epically hates almond. But I love it and I eat it often and he says I'm making it look delicious and wants a bite anyway. He cringed epically around five times before he stopped doing this. That is, he still looks at me whenever I eat it but he's not asking for it anymore.

Oh, and by the way, my boyfriend never had any friends before he met me. Because even though he's a sunny sunshine, he can also be the worst stormy cloud. And he says sh*t like "I'm not a man." All people he's ever met have always thought there was something fundamentally "wrong" with him.

Nice. He just brought me a sandwich. Because I literally don't eat when I'm in this trance. I would have to convince myself to get my ass up and get some food, after all. And that would require convincing my little sh*t. And there was really no arguing with "god".

You will eventually be the "all-knowing baby in the center of the universe", WheezyWaiter <3. If you're not already and just bluffing lol. Like Kyle Hill and his "Aria". To quote WheezyWaiter, "We all make sh*t up as we go."

And don't feel bad about stuff like cutting veggies all wrong, INTP. Our hands always suck at menial tasks. I cannot butter a piece of bread without destroying it. But there is a trick to it, I learned! You have to both let the butter thaw a tiny bit and also place the bread on a plate instead of holding it like an idiot. We also have some kind of a problem with lactose tolerance.

I could always recognize "people like me". It's in their eyes. And in the way they respond to displeasure. And the way they respond to insults. And the way they always "make sense" when it matters. Like Bibinaina in the comments section.

It's like when that other elf bitch tested people for first class mages, in Sousou no Frieren.

Oh, and Yullen will be canon. In SOME way. Probably in a truly epic one, as always, Sensei.

I cried so much when Koro died. I hope you're not lonely. But you know we're all with you. I've always wondered if you talk to Oda often. But maybe the works are just enough.

Because all that INTP, INFJ and INFP were ever meant to be... All that "father", "son" and "sacred sprit" were... was only ever roles. Of intelligent people. Those who were always meant to guide humanity. (The one who "commands and steers", the one who "judges and enjoys" and the one who "can see things calmly".)

And not burn like witches at the stake.

I feel you, Joan d'Arc.

And maybe she was also a metaphor. The "arc" feels suspicious. Just like Allen's pentagram and his guilty expressions. Exactly like that. Like a guiding light, the way Kanda saw right away. The way me and my boyfriend met in a game while trying to achieve a difficult goal, and he would never get rid of people that were slowing us down, he would never even be a TOUCH "not nice" to them. And we tried for a few months with the same group, and we never managed. Because managing was not exactly the point in the first place, not to him. And the way he didn't protest when I completely snatched him away, because I felt like he could only be himself around me and me alone. It's in the way he saves insects and takes them outside instead of ever killing them. It's all exactly the same. Like something is "wrong". Or, rather, like "he knows something others don't". It's extremely akin to "love at first sight", seeing something like that. For us INTP anyway. Us "psychopaths".

And maybe even the "puzzle" symbol in "autism" was not so bad. There was, after all, a key to this entire puzzle that had been lost to time.

And D.Gray-man has always been an extremely funny comedy. To some of us.

When you stare into the abyss, it stares back. And it's the best feeling in the world. It's the "psychopath" seeing what they were always supposed to see: neural paths. Like I'm sure Riko will eventually, in Made in Abyss.

And it teaches a lot. Like the fantastical river of light in Mushishi. It's seeing the way Hayao Miyazaki and Junji Ito are exactly the same, despite being the exact opposites. They would be both much happier if they read and understood this "proof", especially Miyazaki. They are geniuses of "yin-yang" nature, with reason and impulse "gender"-swapped in opposition to each other.

And me... I feel like my "real" name is "Yeter". And it has been, since I met my savior in a game, hidden behind a screen, while playing with that specific "doll", wearing that specific "mask". Of a person that was confident but unafraid to show her feelings at the same time. And I became her. It's the same path Hoshino-sensei (indeed, the teacher of "stars": like Frieren, like Marceille, like Ai, like Lan Zhan, like Mao-mao, like me) took with Kanda. I'm sure him winning popularity polls all the time has warmed her heart more than she ever let on, and not only hers because it was the same for all of "us". It's something Baldur's Gate creators would understand. Please find it in you to see how loving and magnificent and beautiful "Kanda" really is. And he's definitely not something to be undressed for an official anime poster... He is, after all, very modest. In all senses of that word.

And even while "opening the 3rd eye" of some D.Gray-man readers... It still looked as if it was all "Wisely" doing something magical. Because that is the way. Never taking too much "credit" where completely unnecessary. Completely unlike Tolkien showing off his "Sauron" and "that beautiful bitch powerful elf lady". Completely unlike Andrzej Sapkowski spitting on "gaming" after writing his "Witcher", his masterpiece. Completely unlike Hideo Kojima who puts his name wherever he can.

I'm owed many apologies, from the course of my life, but I'm not counting on any of them.

All the weirdos have only ever been "naruto-running down the corridors" because they were trying to follow their guiding light. Just the same as all those kids in Japan hurt themselves trying to do "kuchiyose no jutsu", the "summoning art" from Naruto.

You've all been humiliating "god" terribly.

But we all are, and always have been, very forgiving. Even Hannibal Lecter. Just show us the way with your kindness. TRUE kindness. Like you were always meant to have learned from the "savior".

Instead you call the saviors "anarchists" and "scum" and "insensitive" and "always saying too much" and you say "they push their opinion onto others". But they've never done such a thing. They're just trying to make your SEE. Make you regain "true sight". Because they also all know that it is there, somewhere. But they do hate you for not GETTING IT.

And for laughing at their "gods" as well. Make no mistake. Allen surely holds a lot of resentment towards the characters in the series for the way they treat Kanda sometimes. He just wouldn't say it. It's simply not his place to. It's another thing that not many people would truly understand.

Please open your eyes, all "three" of them. It's what Sensei has been saying for years now.

(And the ancient norseman and so many others have always had many cases of "important-looking" burial sights of people that "appeared to hold characteristics of both a man and a woman both in body and in tendencies in life". Just look it up.)

"God" and "Satan" have always been the very same existence. It's the INTP. The genius priest, the possessed woman. "Devil" and "angel" is also the very same person: the INFJ. And only INFP is calm enough in sprit to see it right away. The way it was always meant to be.

The "13 apostles" have to be the ones putting in the work. They have to see through the veil so that we can all truly connect. Follow the "biblical apostols" and the dgm "Noah" to find your way. It's the "dolls" you've been specifically given to play with, "girls", "witches". (And then you must show your "men" the way as well.)

Be mindful of your weaknesses more, oh "13 remaining personality types."

Like Lady Gaga who embraced her "Judas". I love Judas too, you're an absolute icon.

But most of you didn't "find your character" in the "bible" and learned from it. Because you're not INTP-type. It was both "us" and "you" that didn't get how this works. But "we" know now.

So you must see.

Religion and politics are just a "wound". One that must heal. It has already started, but find it in you to help it along.

All that "god" ever was was a "language learning" type of INTP. One of many. And they've copied from each other, they've made "cultural adaptations". The way we just naturally do. We, "the people who imagine in words". It's like in "Legion". Just as unsettling.

Y'all lucky I love anime, because I f*cking hate reading. No one ever sounds like they even understand "love" so I came to be hesitant even about deliciously filthy fanfics, or the frustratingly "proper" ones. I like cataloguing things people say and things "characters" say instead. My dolls, my friends, my lover and partner. Who I must take care of like of a kid sometimes, because he's just fickle and emotional like that. That is not something you need your INFJ "men" to fix. You must just nature them, unfortunately like a "mother" would. Even though it "seems vile".

Fey, my friend, please see that you've never been "religious", you were just always sure "there was something fundamentally true to it". So "true and plain" that it sounded like "the word of God". But it was only ever the human subconscience talking. It's all very scientific. And elegant. And efficient. Just like "autism". In exactly the same way: "wrong-seeming".

"Heresy" is simply "the truth". Because we're all animals. And we like to pretend we're not. We like to think we are better. But we're not. We're all the same. Humans can just "talk". And some of them can "hear" "the word of God". Because they are "linguistic geniuses" and they can interpret "the Will of the Universe" just right. We see the path to progress. True progress. The way to "connect to the rest of the Universe". I'm speaking with an assurance of a crowd of voices, because I have already heard SO MANY saying the same thing over and over again. It's not just me. It's "us", after I've connected "them" to "me", to form a "comprehensible map of neural paths".

"We" are the "Logician", the "INTP". Because the world has always made sense, from the very beginning.

We must become more "base", as awful as it sounds like. Because a "base" is a fantastic thing to build on. We could build absolutely anything. For example, polycules are extremely beautiful. They are a group of hearts joining in together instead of just "two", even though it has always been "four", in a sense. Because humans are just "dual" like that.

I know everyone is able to see the way. I'm trying to show you what I already see as hard as I can.

This work is not fully "intentional". I've been just "taken on a journey".

All the "gods" are trying as hard as we can.

Just like Sensei.

The gossip rag author, the chubby, sweet girl, came to pitch in, "And this, dear readers, is what 'true respect' looks like."

It's a respect towards a "complete puzzle" of someone's mind. In the ways that matter, through "true connection", even though we have never, ever spoken. I have never even left a comment anywhere, I just bought some volumes. Because "we're" just like that.

And, honestly, I'm not sure if she would even mind that I'm gonna f*ck Kanda in the ass in the next chapter, figuratively of course. Because "Allen" will be doing it.

Because I'm doing all this "respectfully" and that was always the point. All I'm really doing is joining in on a "beautiful experiment" that so many of "us" are already doing.

Hmmm, I wonder if "Apocryphos" is going to be someone even more like me than Kanda is. Because I'm sure he's a "visual artist" type, I bet all he can think of is "Allen with wings".

I'm saying this because "Apocryphos" sounds like "the scribe", "the decoder". Because it never mattered "how many" people "wrote the scared scriptures". "We" are all "one". But if it truly had to insert myself into the story, it would... probably be as "Katarina D. Campbell". I've been loving the dresses so much... I can't wait to see more of her.

Plus, you know. Apo is a creepy guy. And you have to admit I sound f*cking creepy talking about all this. I know that. Just imagine I'm a "beautiful woman" (I am), I'm sure it helps. Or imagine the "small, creepy witch" from the "House in Fata Morgana." Thankfully, my "parents" never "sold me". They only paid for my "language classes", which were only ever "decoding classes", in reality. No wonder I got bored of each language very abruptly at a certain point. I just got the "essence" that I needed out of each of them.

Spanish, English, Japanese, a lick of German. It was all I needed to absorb it all and "decode my bible". "Board games" and "video games" also helped. It's like in "DaVinci's code" by Dan Brown. But my text to follow was "D.Gray-man". In other words: "gay guys". Because I'm a "woman", and I want to be, but I always felt that there was something "fundamentally wrong" with the way "men" were raised nowadays. They're all so "self-conscious" about wanting to be "beautiful" and "desired". And I know that feeling well, because I am also a "man", and, at one point in my life, "he" felt extremely self-conscious. So I know. I know for sure that this is where the problem lies. I've "cracked" it. The puzzle of "my mind".

Everything in my life has "led" me to this, I'm just trying to "show" you something.

I'm only trying to make a point.

There is a message, and there is a "camp" of people who "hear" the "bell".

There has always been a "meaning" to the phrase "ring true". It's a feeling of being self-assured that something is "correct".

Give in to your "creative urges" completely. Like Martina from NerdForge (and her geeky personal Jesus, mine is also geeky, at times he seems to prefer AI to "humans", even though he wishes only the best for everyone). Look at how she shines. Like from the movie "Stardust".

And I think "impostor syndrome" is a writer trying to method act and not giving in into the urge fully. Just enough to make it happen and then notice and become self-conscious. Let yourselves go a bit more, artists. It will be worth it. We have a "message" to "show".

And the best Taylor has always been Momsen, forever my crush. <3 I was also surprised that my inner "man" was "still alive" by 25. (You've been so lonely, Taylor...)

And Beyonce has also always known you gotta "upgrade" your "men". Both those "proud peaco*cks" inside yourself and your partners as well. Put on your freakum dress.

Ride on, PrideKnights. Until we can all gather around the round table and discuss.

"Shinku" was always my favorite "doll" from Rozen Maiden. Let's go, you creepy bitch. <3 I'll show you all how to become "real girls".

This is a "Queen's Gambit". And there has already been a lot of them. And there will be more.

Cue "And So It Went" by the Pretty Reckless.

To "be on cloud nine" was never an expression that was meant to mean simple "joy" at sh*t like "getting a job of your dreams" as the Internet seems to insist, pff.